Late-Night Personalities Take Aim At Trump's New 'Gold Card' Visa Program

Late-night's prominent entertainers spent the evening criticizing President Donald Trump's recently unveiled visa initiative, dubbed the "Trump card," characterizing it as a clear cash-for-residency system for the wealthy.

The Late Show's Pointed Take

Kicking off his program, Stephen Colbert offered a satirical Christmas jingle targeting the commander-in-chief. "He's making a list, checking it twice, and then giving that list to the agents at ICE," he intoned. "Donald Trump ... spoils all he handles."

The focus was the controversial plan that allows foreign citizens to buy U.S. legal status for a sum of a million dollars, with a "platinum" version for 5 million. An official website promises processing "faster than ever."

"One message here to rich applicants: before you fork over the cash, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He explained that the program is also meant to "extract cash" from firms wishing to hire foreign workers, requiring large payments. "That is a lot of fees, but if you register, you additionally get a complimentary stay at a property of your choosing – as long as it's the a specific Marriott," he said.

"The most thorough vetting the U.S. government has ever done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these people absolutely are eligible to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Commentary

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the visa program the "Get Into America Express Card."

"Here's a card that will allow wealthy foreigners to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get legal visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one serious crime of your choosing."

"Maybe it's time to revise that message on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your poor masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel mocked the brevity of the application, saying it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"That's right, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "It's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Grocery Concerns

On another network, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's declining approval numbers amid financial anxiety. "The public gave Donald Trump a another term since they were angry about the economy," he noted.

Recently, in a bid to address prices, Trump held a press conference in front of a selection of grocery items, and behaved peculiarly to some cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"He's so incredibly weird," Meyers said. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by criticizing conservative media coverage of Trump's economic record. "Maybe rather than complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy like what FIFA did," he laughed.